Can you show me how to use the net? I'd better - otherwise you'll just go round and round in circles.

Do you want some help using the Internet, son? No thanks, Dad, I can muck it up all by myself.
Does your mum like shopping on the Internet? No, the trolley keeps rolling off the top of the computer.
How do you find white shirts on the Internet? Use a starch engine.
I hear you've been tracing your ancestors on the internet... Yes - and it's a mammoth task!
I hope you're not one of those pupils who spends all day on the Net and doesn't get any exercise. Oh, no, miss, I often sit around watching TV and not getting exercise either. I made it!
I think I'm spending too long on the Internet, I'm starting to get spots in front of my eyes. Have you seen an optician? No, just spots.
I use the internet to tell me what the weather's like. How do you do that? I carry my laptop outside and if it gets wet, I know it's raining!
Since you've discovered the Internet, you don't pay any attention to me! Who said that?
So what exactly can I learn on the Internet? Anything you like - it can even teach you to talk like an Indian. How? See? It's working already.
Teacher: Don't forget to check the Internet if you have trouble with your homework questions. Pupil: It's not the questions I have trouble with, it's the answers.
Teacher: What are the four elements? Pupil: Fire, Earth, Water and the Internet. Teacher: What do you mean the Internet? Pupil: Well, Mum says that whenever I'm on the Net, I'm in my element.
What do you call someone who spends 24 hours a day on the Internet? Anything you like, they're not listening to you anyway.
Where does the Internet football team play? Webley.
Why do goalkeepers spend ages on the Internet? Because they can't stop saving their work.
Why do you think your report should be on the net? Because my marks are all 'E's.
You're a big Internet fan aren't you? Yes - it's becoming a habit! You're a big internet fan, aren't you? Yes, I really get a buzz out of it!
Teacher: Why are you pushing garlic into the computer's disk drive? Pupil: To keep vampires off the Internet Teacher: But there aren't any vampires on the Internet Pupil: See? It works, doesn't it?
(Source: kidsjoke.co.uk)