“Did you hear the story about the peacock?” “It's a beautiful tail (tale).”

During what season do ants eat most? Summer. That is when they go to a lot of picnics.
How can a leopard change his spots? Move to another place.
How can you eat an egg without breaking its shell? Ask someone else to break it.
How can you fix a short circuit? Lengthen it.
How can you keep a rooster from crowing on Monday morning? Eat him for dinner on Sunday.
How can you shorten a bed? Don't sleep long in it.
How can you tell that a cat likes the rain? Because when it rains it purrs (pours).
How can you tune into the sun? Use a sundial.
How do birds stop themselves in the air? With air brakes.
How do rabbits keep their fur neat? They use a harebrush (hairbrush).
How do you know that bees are happy? Because they hum while they work.
If a farmer raises wheat in dry weather, what does he raise in wet weather? An umbrella.
If a rooster laid a brown egg and a white egg, what kind of chicks would hatch? None. Roosters don't lay eggs.
If an electric train travels 90 miles an hour in a westerly direction and the wind is blowing from the north, in which direction is the smoke blowing? There is no smoke from an electric train!
If there were ten cats in a boat and one jumped out, how many would be left? None, because they were all copycats.
If we breathe oxygen in the daytime, what do we breathe at night? Nitrogen.
If you throw a pumpkin in the air, what comes down? Squash.
In what way are the letter “A” and noon the same? Both are in the middle of day.
What advice can you give a fish so he can avoid being caught? Don't fall for any old line.
What animals didn't come on the ark in pairs? Worms. They came in apples.
What are arithmetic bugs? Mosquitoes. They add to misery, subtract from pleasure, divide your attention, and multiply quickly.
What bunch of animals can always be heard? Cattle, because they go around in herds.
What children live in the ocean? Life buoys (boys).
What did Ben Franklin say when he discovered that lightning was electricity? Nothing. He was too shocked.
What did one firefly say to the other firefly when his light went out? “Give me a push. My battery is dead.”
What did one shrub say to the other shrub? “Am I bushed!”
What did one termite say to the other termite when he saw a house burning? “Barbecue tonight!”
What did one toad say to the other toad? “One more game of leapfrog and I'll croak.”
What did the bald man say when he got a comb? “I'll never part with it.”
What did the cotton plant say to the farmer? “Stop picking on me!”
What did the coughing frog say to the other frog? “I must have a person in my throat.”
What did the dirt say to the rain? “If this keeps up, my name will be mud.”
What did the father firefly say to his son? “For a little fellow you're very bright.”
(Source: kidsjokes.co.uk)