A: For many parents, it's a real quandary. We know that about two-thirds of parents in the U.S. do spank their kids at some point, yet most "experts" caution against it. Passions run high: some liken spanking to child abuse; others call it a practical and effective punishment. Some say it will do no harm if used gently and appropriately, while others claim a child will grow up more aggressive and unhappy if he or she is spanked.

So it's not unusual that you and your husband don't see eye to eye on this one.

As always, my first inclination is to see what scientific studies tell us about controversial questions in child-rearing.

After all, a lot of advice turns out to be just one man's opinion, later proven to be false when put to the test (for example, "newborn babies are blind," "infants should be fed on a rigid schedule").

When it comes to spanking, however, you can find research to support either position. Some studies report no harm from mild, occasional spanking, while others suggest that it can make children more aggressive.

Part of the problem is that it's hard to do these studies. Think about it. Some kids provoke spanking more than others. A child with a difficult temperament is tougher to raise and is more likely to be spanked by his frustrated parents than a child with an easy temperament. So if the spanked child ends up with more problems, is it because he was spanked or because he had more behavior difficulties to begin with?

Since scientific studies can't resolve this disagreement between you and your husband, I'll just give you my take.

I don't think occasional, non-abusive spanking when young children misbehave is going to cause problems -- if the spanking is done right after the infraction in order to teach a simple lesson, if it is not especially painful, and, most important, if the emotional tone of your home is loving and nurturing the rest of the time.

Personally, I worry much more about consistent verbal criticism than the occasional swat on the butt. The wayward child who runs out in the street must learn that she shouldn't do so, even if she is too young to understand why she shouldn't do so. Explanations can only get you so far in restraining the desires of the young toddler.

Having said that, I'm no fan of spanking and personally don't recommend it. First, I don't think it's a generally effective discipline technique. Remember, the purpose of punishment is to teach your child socially acceptable behavior.

Spanking only teaches what not to do, not what to do. It also implies that physical power determines what is right and what is wrong. Additionally, I think withdrawal of parental attention is usually a more effective punishment for most kids (that's why "time-out," while not perfect, can work well). There are also other effective ways to punish (and reward): -- Allowing "natural consequences" to occur (i.e., don't protect your child from the naturally occurring negative consequences of misbehavior, if they aren't too serious) -- Sticker charts, with smiley faces or stars marking good behavior -- Planned ignoring of the misbehavior

-- Finally, spanking is often nothing more than a parental temper tantrum: You made me mad and you're going to pay the price. In that case, spanking usually has more to do with vengeance than instruction.

So what should you do? It's nice for parents to present a unified front with regard to discipline -- that way the child gets a consistent message, learns the lessons more efficiently, and can't play one parent against the other.

In some ways, how you and your husband resolve this may be more important than whether you occasionally spank your child.

Try to have a heart-to-heart, read more about spanking, talk to others, go over the pros and cons, and see if you can work out a consistent response that you both can live with. (Source: WebMD.com)