When they want to play at someone else's home, Amy Edel-Vaughn says she worries about her children, both of whom have food allergies. That's in addition to her concerns about issues like unsupervised power tools, guns, pools and dogs.

""That's why I try to go with my children to a playdate as we're getting to know a family, and then usually I know the parents pretty well before my kids can play there without me,"" says the Bay Shore mother of Curran and Teagan Vaughn, ages 3 and 5, respectively.
She acknowledges that's easier when kids are in day care or preschool settings, where you tend to know the parents. It gets more challenging when they start to make friends on their own and you may not meet the parent until you're at their front door. What develops is the social awkwardness of trying to determine if a playdate will be safe for your child, without implying that the other parent is negligent.
It's not ill-mannered to ask questions that yield answers about your child's welfare, says Sherry Henig, a clinical psychologist in Plainview. ""Put your child's safety first, and go with your gut. You'll hate yourself if you decide to let your child stay at someone's house because you didn't want to make anyone uncomfortable and then something happens.""
At the same time, she says, it's worthwhile to think through how to ask the question so it doesn't sound critical. ""You can say, 'I hope you don't take this the wrong way,' or 'I don't mean to offend, but I have to ask what level of supervision you'll have when the children are swimming.'""
If you add a disclaimer that takes direct blame off the parent, most will respond well, Henig says. ""The other parent might be glad their child is associating with someone whose family is concerned, because that means you're likely to watch their child carefully when it's your turn.""
Allyson Mortati of Centerport found this helpful when three years ago her 5-year-old son came home from a neighbor's excited about a gun his friend had shown him. ""The next time he wanted to play there, I walked him down and told the father that 'I'm an overprotective mother, so please don't be offended, but Michael told me about your gun,'"" she says. ""The father said it was a BB gun and that the kids didn't have access. But he hadn't known his son had found it, so he was glad I told him. And we're still friends.""
If a parent becomes belligerent or defensive, you may want to give a second thought to whether or not your child is safe there, says Leah Klungness, a psychologist in Locust Valley and co- author of ""The Complete Single Mother"" (Adams Media, $14.95). It doesn't mean nixing a friendship. Instead, meet at a neutral place like a playground or offer to host at your home.
Ultimately, Klungness says, it's up to parents to teach children about safety rules, as in ""You never play with power tools, guns or go in the pool unsupervised."" And be careful how you respond if your child comes home with a disturbing story, Klungness adds. ""If you overreact by getting angry or punishing them, you decrease the likelihood they'll tell you in the future.""
Source: newsday.com