“When can I get my own cell phone?” asked my 10-year-old daughter at dinner a few weeks ago.

I responded in my usual calm manner. “You want what?” I asked rhetorically. “Why do you need your own phone?
“Because all the kids in my class have one,” replied Samantha, with impeccable fifth-grade logic.
I resisted the urge to tell Sam what my mom repeated so frequently to me. “So, if the other kids jumped off a bridge, would you do the same thing?”
I never understood what my mom meant, but I eventually came to appreciate her message. The standard for what you do should not be dictated by what is fashionable. Even so, we are influenced by peers, and my daughter's remark that all the kids in her class have cell phones did cause me to question if perhaps she should have a phone of her own.
Among 8- to 12-year-olds, about 40 percent had their own phones in 2007, increasing to an estimated 65 percent in the next three years. This is the fastest-growing market for cell phones.
This trend is driven by parents who are concerned about their children's safety and kids who think phones are a cool way to connect with friends.
Even so, I'm not ready to buy a cell phone for my 10-year-old, and here's why:
1. Sense of entitlement. So many kids and adults feel they have a right to get certain things. Shouldn't children have some responsibility to pay for the ongoing expense of such a luxury?
2. Texting is risky. Eight- to 12-year-old kids make about 4.6 calls a day but text message 14.4 times a day. I have concerns about young kids managing the risks of texting. While texting can be an entertaining way to connect with others, it can also be used to gossip, bully and avoid real communication.
The fun in texting represents its greatest risk. Whenever you think or feel something, you can impulsively transmit that message instantaneously to others. You avoid the responsibility of direct communication. A fleeting thought or frustration becomes a permanent message. I'm not sure if young kids can handle that responsibility.
In addition to the legal concerns, kids just don't appreciate that privacy ends once a picture gets electronically transmitted. A sexually explicit picture sent to a friend could be around the electronic world throughout one's lifetime.
I'm not willing to tolerate these risks for the minimal benefits. However, I know that many parents feel otherwise.
---- But if you must …
If you insist on indulging your child with this luxury, please consider these six things.
1. Have your child pay part of the cost. At a time of economic turmoil, how can you justify this added expense? Isn't this just another example of parents buying stuff they don't need with money they don't have? Insist that your child complete regular chores to pay for the phone, and be strong enough to end phone privileges if your child doesn't comply.
2. Monitor text messages. Young children have no understanding of the risks of the electronic world, and it's your job to protect them. Inform your child that you will be regularly reviewing text messages. (Please don't write to me about the privacy rights of a 10-year-old.) Their safety and security take priority over privacy.
3. Place limits on phone and text messaging. A pleasant diversion can easily transform into an annoying habit and even an addiction for some people. Kids can easily become preoccupied with this mindless diversion from real life. Limit the number of minutes and text messages that can be used monthly.
4. Discuss respect and etiquette. Talk about cyber-bullying and gossiping with your kids. My concern with texting is that it is just too easy to immediately communicate any fleeting thought or feeling. Kids need to be careful about gossiping or expressing a transitory feeling about a friend, teacher or coach. That text can then be re-sent or used in ways for which it was never intended.
5. Have an explicit discussion with your child. Phones and cameras are a dangerous combination for many preteens. Twenty percent of teenagers admitted to electronically sending or posting nude or semi-nude pictures of themselves. A 15-year-old from Pennsylvania recently got in legal trouble for sending what she felt were harmless pictures she took when she was at a sleepover when she was 12 years old. Talk with your child about these situations.
When I discussed this recommendation at a parents' workshop a few weeks ago, a mom responded that she felt her 9-year-old was too young to learn about texting. If you feel that your children are too young to learn about sending and receiving sexually explicit pictures, then they are too young for a cell phone.
6. Establish privacy and safety rules. Kids should never give out their cell phone number or accept text messages from strangers. Lots of kids in my office are telling me about their “friends” from across the country, people they are meeting on the Internet and text messaging throughout the day. Most parents are unaware of their kids' dumb and dangerous practice of sharing intimate feelings and personal information with total strangers.
We need to prepare our children for this new electronic world, but that doesn't mean putting them in situations they cannot handle. Delay the cell phone until your child is a teen.
(Source: timesargus.com)